The things people say

I have been meaning to write this post for LONG time about the comments people make about the triplets. Some are funny, some are sweet, and some are really downright rude!

I'll start with some of the very first comments ever made to me. These two comments I will NEVER forget, because they were made in the first 24 hours after birth, they were particularly hurtful, and they were made by my nurses at the hospital!

The babies were born just before 9pm, so it was very late after I went to recovery, got into the NICU for my first looks at them, and finally to my room. My nurse for the night came in, introduced herself and said, "Triplets! What were you thinking?" I don't remember what I actually said, I think I might have just smirked uncomfortably, but what I was thinking was, "I was thinking that I wanted another baby and I got 3! How special is that?" And I think I cried when she left the room.

Then my morning nurse came in, introduced herself and immediately asked whether we had used fertility drugs. I replied that we did have some help and she said, "I sure hope I'm not taking what you were taking!" Seriously???? Yes, she said that. Again, I can't remember what I said, but that one stung.

Since then, we have had many hurtful comments, and while I do believe people really don't think they are being rude, I still can't believe they say things like:

"Better you than me!"
"Triplets??? I'd kill myself!"
(OR) "I'd shoot myself!"

Mostly we get these two comments. In fact, we get these so often, sometimes we count how many times in one outing! 14 times is the record I think.

"You have your hands full!"
"God Bless You!"

To the first, I usually say, "I sure do." Sometimes I say, "better full than empty!" And sometimes I get that when I just have Carter and Brenna out with me, and I say, "and this is only half of them!" Which usually leaves them wide eyed, speechless, or laughing.

To the second, I usually say, "He sure did." Or simply, "thanks."

Then we move on to the very intrusive, I mean curious, comments. These people usually make one of the above comments first and then stop to get a closer look.

A lot of people ask, "All boys?" No, 2 girls and 1 boy.

"Are they identical?" Nope, all fraternal. Or I say, "no 2 girls and 1 boy" again, for those who I can tell don't get it! :)

Then they really want the dirt. Can you imagine a total stranger asking you how you conceived your single baby? I guess when they see more than one, all privacy goes out the window!

"Did you do fertility drugs?"
"Are they natural?"
"Do multiples run in your family?"

It really depends on my mood when I get these questions. Sometimes, I'll say, "we had some help". Or, "we did IVF".
Sometimes I'll say, "No they don't run in our family." Which doesn't really answer the question because I know that they really wanted to know if we used fertility drugs or not!
And sometimes, I'll say something like, "No we just did it 3 times in one night!"

These questions particulary bug me, because we did HAVE to do IVF to have another child. Our children, although conceived with the help of doctors and medicine, are in fact, completely natural! And when they find out we did IVF, people usually tell me about someone they know who had multiples spontaneously (which is what they mean by naturally) and how rare that is, as if to say those babies are more special than my "artificial babies". Sometimes even other triplet parents really point out that their babies were spontaneous, it feels like just to brag. For example, in forums, many triplet parents have their name at the bottom of a post and then "Mommy to A, B, C, spontaneous boy/boy/boy triplets". But I would never write, "Mommy to Carter, Brenna, and Emily, IVF b/g/g triplets. It just doesn't matter!

And then there was the woman, whom my Mom and I were chatting with at a park. We just had Drew with us, but my Mom was talking about the babies, and the woman asked (I still can't believe she asked this!!), "Were you drinking? Because I hear alcohol can increase your chances of having multiples." What??? Are you freaking kidding me??? She was totally serious though. I actually came up with this response on the spot, which I thought was pretty funny, "No, but I did take a LOT of drugs!" Meaning, of course, the fertility drugs, but I don't think she got it. Oy! But then I was mad, because if it were only that easy for us! If I could've sloshed back a couple of drinks and gotten pregnant, I most certainly would've. It would have saved us an awful lot of trips to the doctor, uncomfortable ultrasounds, almost daily blood tests, money for docs, accupuncture, anesthesia, freezing, storage, therapists, and no injections in my tummy, thighs and behind!

We also get these comments from more caring, understanding strangers:

"How do you do it?"
or
"You are so lucky!"

And the best comment I ever got was when we took the babies out shopping around 4 months old, and a man who worried me, because he looked a little scruffy around the edges, stopped, took a really long look, smiled, and said, "3 babies? Now that is heaven times 3!" Awwwww. I'll never forget that. :)


I know I'm forgetting some, but as is life with triplets plus one, I am out of "spare time". Lately, whenever somebody suggests we do something in our "spare time", they ALWAYS use the air quotes!